I found myself in the awkward position last night of just not knowing what to do with myself.
I didn’t want to go to sleep super early in case I didn’t sleep through.
I didn’t really feel like eating.
I didn’t know if it was sensible to use energy on exercise.
Then suddenly I’d had two half hour naps and was getting ready for a swim.
I am aware I have an exercise addiction, I don’t really have a leg to stand on to deny that. But it’s better than a drug addiction, right?
This is my way of dealing with anxiety.
And yesterday I was particularly bad.
Nothing half an hour of activity and a big plate of carbs can’t fix though.
Plus some stretching and focused breathing to wind down.
And some positive affirmations as I went to sleep. How many times can you say “you are safe” before you believe it? (Not that I feel unsafe in any way, I just feel uncertain and not in control – different to out of control).
It’s a funny thing, safety and security.
For the number of times I’ve gone travelling and given no thought to it. My siblings are on opposite sides of the world and I can’t imagine they give it any thought either.
But travelling with an organisation that is required to put staff safety first and review all security measures of places you have never been. It makes you hyper aware.
Plus working with colleagues day in and out that have a multitude of security challenges in their wake from political change.
I live in London for Christ sake. Things happen all the time. Yet, here, I have no clue what the norm is.
It is the norm for staff so they don’t talk about it. Of course I should ask. But what are the questions?
(And overhearing conversations about someone being mugged on Saturday and another time falling from the third floor – erm, what?!)
I will take comfort in knowing that the local situation is currently “peaceful”. Please don’t change in the next three days. And likely physical discomfort in knowing the climate is “hostile”.
Oh my pale Scottish skin isn’t going to know what’s happened!
Bring on some sweat and dust!